My life since 1989

It's been a rough many years dealing with this panic and anxiety. Waking up everyday knowing I'm avoiding something..... anything just so I don't panic or have an attack. It's not fun and the people in my life have to deal with it on a daily basis too. Their very understanding NOW but, back when this first started it was difficult for them as well.
I kept loosing my jobs and my mom was starting to think I was just LAZY. The fact of the matter was I just couldn't deal with the everyday anxiety and panic. I don't to this day know why I have this fear but, I do know I want it GONE!

I started having attacks when I was 16 years old and I'm 42 now. This has consumed my life and it's all I think about sometimes. I started taking prescrpition medication back in 1990 (Imimprmine) 100ml a night. I also started carrying (Xanax) with me "just in case" an attack accured.

The fears I have TODAY are terrible. I can't be left alone (because I am affraid " just in case" I suffer an attack) Oh, and by the way there is NOTHING anyone can do IF I DO have a panic attack. All they can do is comfort me.
I can't go into Large stores (AGORAPHOBIA) which usually accompanies fear and anxiety because you usually associate the attack with where you are having it and feeling like where you are at that time caused your attack (this is NOT true).
I can't be too far from my car (SAFE PLACE) is what this is called. I can't even walk down the street with my dogs or my boyfriend because I can't be too far from my SAFE PACE which as I said was my car.
Speaking of cars, I will only drive in the right had lane because the fear of being trapped is one of the worst feelings in the world to me. Even when I'm with someone they sometimes have to avoid certain intersections so I don't panic.
There are so many more fears I have but this is a start and I want you to know you can talk to me anytime with your fears and phobia's. You are NOT alone and there IS help out there IF you want it. I myself know there IS help for me I just need to find the "right" one.